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Lehavas David · Parshas Ki Sisa · Maamar ו

Teshuvah before Torah: The Bride's Gift

From the Torah ofRav Dovid Matisyohu Rabinowitzהרב דוד מתתיהו בן יחיאל יהושע רבינוביץProfile ›
Shemos 31:18
וַיִּתֵּן אֶל־מֹשֶׁה כְּכַלֹּתוֹ לְדַבֵּר אִתּוֹ בְּהַר סִינַי שְׁנֵי לֻחֹת הָעֵדֻת לֻחֹת אֶבֶן כְּתֻבִים בְּאֶצְבַּע אֱלֹהִים
He gave to Moshe, when He finished speaking with him on Mount Sinai, the two Tablets of the Testimony, tablets of stone, written with the finger of God.

Rashi: Kechaloso, “when He finished,” is written without a vav, so that it can be read “like his bride”: the Torah was handed over to him as a gift, like a bride to a groom.

1“He gave to Moshe, when He finished speaking with him on Mount Sinai, the two Tablets of the Testimony, tablets of stone, written with the finger of God.”1 Rashi writes: “Kechaloso, ‘when He finished,’ is written without a vav, for the Torah was handed over to him as a gift, like a bride to a groom.”2 Spelled this way, the word can be read kekalaso, “like his bride.” But why is the gift of the Torah compared to the giving of a bride to a groom in particular, and not to other gifts? The comparison suggests that the two are connected.
וַיִּתֵּן אֶל מֹשֶׁה כְּכַלּוֹתוֹ לְדַבֵּר אִתּוֹ בְּהַר סִינַי שְׁנֵי לוּחוֹת הָעֵדוּת לוּחוֹת אֶבֶן כְּתוּבִים בְּאֶצְבַּע אֱלֹהִים (לא, יח). כָּתַב רש״י הַקָּדוֹשׁ, ׳כְּכַלֹּתוֹ׳ כְּתִיב חָסֵר, שֶׁנִּמְסְרָה לוֹ תּוֹרָה בְּמַתָּנָה כְּכַלָּה לֶחָתָן. וְיֵשׁ לְהָבִין לָמָּה נִמְשְׁלָה מַתְּנַת הַתּוֹרָה לְמַתְּנַת כַּלָּה לְחָתָן דַּוְוקָא, וְלֹא לִשְׁאָר מַתָּנוֹת, דְּמַשְׁמַע שֶׁיֵּשׁ שַׁיָּיכוּת בֵּין הָעִנְיָנִים.
  1. Shemos 31:18. ↩
  2. Rashi there. ↩
In shortRashi reads kechaloso as “like his bride”; why is the giving of the Torah compared to a bride's in particular?
2The Midrash on this verse says: “R' Tanchuma bar Abba opened his discourse with the verse ‘To You, Hashem, is the righteousness, and to us the shame of face.’ Even when we do righteousness, we look at our deeds and feel shame of face.”3 But what does Bnei Yisrael's shame over their deeds have to do with the verse “He gave to Moshe, when He finished”?
וּבַמִּדְרָשׁ (שמות רבה מא, א) עַל זֶה הַכָּתוּב אִיתָא, פָּתַח רַבִּי תַּנְחוּמָא בַּר אַבָּא ״לְךָ ה׳ הַצְּדָקָה וְלָנוּ בּוֹשֶׁת הַפָּנִים״ (דניאל ט, ז), אֲפִילּוּ בְּשָׁעָה שֶׁאָנוּ עוֹשִׂים אֶת הַצְּדָקָה, מַבִּיטִים אָנוּ מַעֲשִׂים שֶׁלָּנוּ וְיֵשׁ לָנוּ בּוֹשֶׁת פָּנִים. וְצָרִיךְ בֵּיאוּר שַׁיָּיכוּת עִנְיָן זֶה שֶׁבּוֹשִׁים בְּנֵי יִשְׂרָאֵל בְּמַעֲשֵׂיהֶם, עִם מַאֲמַר הַכָּתוּב ׳וַיִּתֵּן אֶל מֹשֶׁה כְּכַלּוֹתוֹ׳.
  1. Shemos Rabbah 41:1; Daniel 9:7. ↩
In shortThe Midrash opens our verse with “to us the shame of face”; what has shame over our deeds to do with the giving of the Tablets?
3The Midrash there also says: “Another explanation of ‘To You, Hashem, is the righteousness’: R' Levi said, Bnei Yisrael stood below and engraved an idol to anger their Creator … while the Holy One, blessed be He, sat above and engraved Tablets for them, to give them life, as it says, ‘He gave to Moshe, when He finished.’ So: ‘To You, Hashem, is the righteousness.’” But how could Hashem really agree to give His holy Torah, Heaven forbid, to idol worshippers? All the more so since, when Moshe Rabbeinu came down and saw what they had done, he did in fact break the Tablets. That shows that the Torah cannot be received after so great a sin. How, then, could Hashem want to give them the Torah despite their sin?
עוֹד אִיתָא שָׁם בַּמִּדְרָשׁ, דָּבָר אַחֵר ״לְךָ ה׳ הַצְּדָקָה״, אָמַר רַבִּי לֵוִי, יִשְׂרָאֵל עוֹמְדִים לְמַטָּה וְחוֹקְקִים עֲבוֹדַת כּוֹכָבִים לְהַכְעִיס לְיוֹצְרָם וְכוּ׳, והקב״ה יוֹשֵׁב לְמַעְלָה וְחוֹקֵק לָהֶם לוּחוֹת לָתֵת לָהֶם חַיִּים, שֶׁנֶּאֱמַר ״וַיִּתֵּן אֶל מֹשֶׁה כְּכַלּוֹתוֹ״, הֱוֵי ׳לְךָ ה׳ הַצְּדָקָה׳. וְקָשֶׁה הֵיאַךְ בֶּאֱמֶת הִסְכִּים ה׳ יִתְבָּרֵךְ לִיתֵּן תּוֹרָתוֹ הַקְּדוֹשָׁה ח״ו לְעוֹבְדֵי עֲבוֹדָה זָרָה, וּבִפְרָט שֶׁבֶּאֱמֶת כַּאֲשֶׁר יָרַד מֹשֶׁה רַבֵּינוּ וְרָאָה מַה שֶׁעָשׂוּ שָׁבַר אֶת הַלּוּחוֹת, הֲרֵי שֶׁאִי אֶפְשָׁר לְקַבֵּל הַתּוֹרָה אַחֲרֵי חֵטְא גָּדוֹל זֶה, וְאִם כֵּן אֵיךְ הקב״ה רָצָה לִיתֵּן לָהֶם הַתּוֹרָה עַל אַף חֶטְאָם.
In shortHashem engraved the Tablets above while Israel engraved an idol below; yet how could He give the Torah to idol worshippers, when Moshe broke the Tablets?
4Let us first cite the words of my holy father and teacher, zt"l, on the verse “Reuven returned to the pit …”4 The Midrash says about it: “The Holy One, blessed be He, said to him: ‘Never has a man sinned before Me and done teshuvah, and you have opened with teshuvah first. By your life, a descendant of yours will arise and open with teshuvah first.’ And who is he? Hoshea, as it says, ‘Return, Yisrael, unto Hashem your God.’”5 My holy father explained that a person's task is only to begin, to make an opening even as small as the point of a needle. Then Hashem will finish the work for him and open it as wide as the entrance of a hall.6 This is the meaning of “Return, Yisrael, unto Hashem your God”: as it were, in the merit of a small opening of teshuvah they will be privileged to reach all the way “unto Hashem your God.” Those are his holy words.
וְנַקְדִּים אִמְרֵי קוֹדֶשׁ כ״ק אאמו״ר זצללה״ה עַל הַכָּתוּב (בראשית לז, כט) ״וַיָּשָׁב רְאוּבֵן אֶל הַבּוֹר״ וְגוֹ׳, שֶׁאָמְרוּ בַּמִּדְרָשׁ (בראשית רבה פד, יט), אָמַר לוֹ הקב״ה מֵעוֹלָם לֹא חָטָא אָדָם לְפָנַי וְעָשָׂה תְּשׁוּבָה, וְאַתָּה פָּתַחְתָּ בִּתְשׁוּבָה תְּחִילָּה, חַיֶּיךָ שֶׁבֶּן בִּנְךָ עוֹמֵד וּפוֹתֵחַ בִּתְשׁוּבָה תְּחִילָּה, וְאֵיזֶה זֶה הוֹשֵׁעַ, שֶׁנֶּאֱמַר (הושע יד, ב) ״שׁוּבָה יִשְׂרָאֵל עַד ה׳ אֱלֹקֶיךָ״. וְדִיבֵּר בְּקָדְשׁוֹ, כִּי עַל הָאָדָם מוּטָּל רַק לְהַתְחִיל וְלִפְתּוֹחַ פֶּתַח וַאֲפִילּוּ כְּחוּדּוֹ שֶׁל מַחַט, וְאָז הקב״ה יִגְמוֹר בַּעֲדוֹ לִפְתּוֹחַ לוֹ כְּפִתְחוֹ שֶׁל אוּלָם, שֶׁעַל זֶה אָמַר הַכָּתוּב ׳שׁוּבָה יִשְׂרָאֵל עַד ה׳ אֱלֹקֶיךָ׳, שֶׁכִּבְיָכוֹל בִּזְכוּת פֶּתַח קָטָן שֶׁל תְּשׁוּבָה, יִזְכּוּ לְהַגִּיעַ עַד ה׳ אֱלוֹקֶיךָ, עכד״ק.
  1. Bereishis 37:29. The Midrash reads “Reuven returned” as his return in teshuvah for having disturbed his father's bed. ↩
  2. Bereishis Rabbah 84:19; Hoshea 14:2. ↩
  3. As Chazal say: “Open for Me an opening like the point of a needle, and I will open for you an opening through which wagons and carriages can enter.” Shir HaShirim Rabbah 5:2. ↩
In shortA person need only open a needle-point of teshuvah, the Rebbe's father taught; Hashem widens it and brings him all the way “unto Hashem.”
5We can explain the matter as follows. The holy sefer Maor VaShemesh brings a well-known teaching in the name of the Chozeh of Lublin.7 Before any Torah study and before prayer, a person must do teshuvah, so that the words “But to the wicked God said: What have you to do with recounting My statutes?” will not apply to him.8 But once he has thoughts of teshuvah, he is called a tzaddik.9 This explains the wording of the blessing of teshuvah that the Men of the Great Assembly, the sages who set the order of our prayers, instituted: “Bring us back, our Father, to Your Torah.” Only through teshuvah can a person attain Torah, for without teshuvah Torah study does not last.
וְיֵשׁ לְבָאֵר הָעִנְיָן בְּדֶרֶךְ זֶה, כִּי הִנֵּה יָדוּעַ מַה שֶּׁכָּתַב בְּסֵפֶר הַקָּדוֹשׁ מְאוֹר וָשֶׁמֶשׁ (פרשת דברים ד״ה אלו) בְּשֵׁם הַחוֹזֶה מלובלין, שֶׁלִּפְנֵי כָּל לִימּוּד תּוֹרָה וְלִפְנֵי הַתְּפִלָּה, צָרִיךְ הָאָדָם לַעֲשׂוֹת תְּשׁוּבָה, כְּדֵי שֶׁלֹּא יִהְיֶה בִּבְחִינַת (תהלים נ, טז) ״וְלָרָשָׁע אָמַר אֱלֹקִים מַה לְּךָ לְסַפֵּר חוּקָּי״, מַה שֶׁאֵין כֵּן כַּאֲשֶׁר מְהַרְהֵר בִּתְשׁוּבָה נִקְרָא צַדִּיק, עיי״ש. וּבָזֶה מְבוֹאָר נוֹסַח הַבְּרָכָה שֶׁתִּיקְּנוּ אַנְשֵׁי כְּנֶסֶת הַגְּדוֹלָה ״הֲשִׁיבֵנוּ אָבִינוּ לְתוֹרָתֶךָ״, לְפִי שֶׁרַק עַל יְדֵי הַתְּשׁוּבָה אֶפְשָׁר לִזְכּוֹת לַתּוֹרָה, כִּי בְּלִי תְּשׁוּבָה אֵין קִיּוּם לְלִימּוּד הַתּוֹרָה.
  1. Maor VaShemesh, Devarim, s.v. Elu; see there. ↩
  2. Tehillim 50:16. ↩
  3. As Chazal say, a man who betroths a woman “on condition that I am a tzaddik” is betrothed even if he is wicked, for perhaps he had thoughts of teshuvah. Kiddushin 49b. ↩
In shortTeshuvah must come before Torah and prayer, the Chozeh of Lublin taught; so we pray, “Bring us back, our Father, to Your Torah.”
6That is why Moshe Rabbeinu broke the Tablets after the episode of the Calf. He wanted to stir Bnei Yisrael to teshuvah before they received the Tablets, since before learning Torah a person must return in complete teshuvah, as the Chozeh of Lublin taught. Because Moshe broke the Tablets and stirred them to teshuvah, saying, “Please! This people has sinned a great sin …,”10 they were privileged to receive the Torah anew, with the giving of the second Tablets. This is what Chazal meant on the verse “… on the first Tablets, which you broke”: the Holy One, blessed be He, said to Moshe, “Well done for breaking them!”11 Chazal read asher, “which,” as yishar, as in yishar kochacha, “well done.” For by breaking them Moshe taught them that one may not engage in Torah without teshuvah.
וְעַל כֵּן שָׁבַר מֹשֶׁה רַבֵּינוּ ע״ה אֶת הַלּוּחוֹת אַחַר מַעֲשֵׂה הָעֵגֶל, כְּדֵי לְעוֹרְרָם לִתְשׁוּבָה קוֹדֶם שֶׁיְּקַבְּלוּ הַלּוּחוֹת, לְפִי שֶׁקּוֹדֶם לִימּוּד הַתּוֹרָה צָרִיךְ הָאָדָם לָשׁוּב בִּתְשׁוּבָה שְׁלֵימָה כַּנִּזְכָּר, וְעַל יְדֵי שֶׁשְּׁבָרָם וְעוֹרְרָם לִתְשׁוּבָה בְּאָמְרוֹ (לב, לא) ״אָנָּא חָטָא הָעָם הַזֶּה חֲטָאָה גְדוֹלָה״ וְגוֹ׳, זָכוּ מֵחָדָשׁ לְקַבֵּל אֶת הַתּוֹרָה בְּמַתַּן לוּחוֹת שְׁנִיּוֹת. וְזֶהוּ שֶׁאָמְרוּ חז״ל (שבת פז, א) עַל הַכָּתוּב (לד, א) ״עַל הַלּוּחוֹת הָרִאשׁוֹנִים אֲשֶׁר שִׁבַּרְתָּ״, שֶׁאָמַר לוֹ הקב״ה לְמֹשֶׁה ״יִישַׁר כֹּחֲךָ שֶׁשִּׁבַּרְתָּ׳, שֶׁכֵּן בָּזֶה לִימְּדָם שֶׁאֵין לַעֲסוֹק בַּתּוֹרָה לְלֹא תְּשׁוּבָה.
  1. Shemos 32:31. ↩
  2. Shabbos 87a; Shemos 34:1. ↩
In shortMoshe broke the first Tablets to stir Israel to teshuvah before Torah; so they received the second, and Hashem praised him for breaking them.
7Chazal tell us that the broken pieces of the first Tablets were kept in the Ark.12 They were a reminder for Bnei Yisrael and a lesson for all generations that one must engage in teshuvah before learning Torah. This lets us explain why the Midrash sets the theme of teshuvah beside the receiving of the two Tablets of the Covenant, saying that even when we do righteousness and good deeds, we still feel shame of face. When Bnei Yisrael come to serve their Maker, by doing the mitzvos and by keeping and learning the Torah, they first have thoughts of teshuvah, out of shame and embarrassment over deeds that were not as they should have been. That is why the second Tablets were given on Yom Kippur, a day of teshuvah and atonement:13 to teach that it is only through complete teshuvah that we are privileged to engage in Hashem's Torah and keep His mitzvos.
וְהִנֵּה אָמְרוּ חז״ל (ברכות ח, ב) שֶׁשִּׁבְרֵי הַלּוּחוֹת הָיוּ מוּנָּחוֹת בָּאָרוֹן, וְהֵם הָיוּ זִכָּרוֹן לִבְנֵי יִשְׂרָאֵל וְלִימּוּד לְכָל הַדּוֹרוֹת, לֵידַע שֶׁצְּרִיכִים לַעֲסוֹק בִּתְשׁוּבָה לִפְנֵי לִימּוּד הַתּוֹרָה. וְיֵשׁ לְבָאֵר בָּזֶה דִּבְרֵי הַמִּדְרָשׁ, שֶׁהִסְמִיךְ אֶת עִנְיַן הַתְּשׁוּבָה אֵצֶל קַבָּלַת שְׁנֵי לוּחוֹת הַבְּרִית, בַּמֶּה שֶׁאָמְרוּ שֶׁאֲפִילּוּ בְּשָׁעָה שֶׁאָנוּ עוֹשִׂים צְדָקָה וּמַעֲשִׂים טוֹבִים אַף עַל פִּי כֵן יֵשׁ לָנוּ בּוֹשֶׁת פָּנִים, הַיְינוּ שֶׁבְּנֵי יִשְׂרָאֵל בְּבוֹאָם לַעֲבוֹדַת קוֹנָם בְּמַעֲשֵׂה הַמִּצְוֹת וְקִיּוּם הַתּוֹרָה וְלִימּוּדָה, אֲזַי קוֹדֶם לָזֶה מְהַרְהֲרִים בִּתְשׁוּבָה מִתּוֹךְ בּוּשָׁה וּכְלִימָּה עַל מַעֲשֵׂיהֶם אֲשֶׁר לֹא הָיוּ כָּרָאוּי. וְלָכֵן מַתַּן לוּחוֹת שְׁנִיּוֹת הָיָה בְּיוֹם הַכִּיפּוּרִים (תענית ל, ב) שֶׁהוּא יוֹם שֶׁל תְּשׁוּבָה וְכַפָּרָה, לְהוֹרוֹת כִּי דַּוְוקָא עַל יְדֵי תְּשׁוּבָה שְׁלֵימָה זוֹכִים לַעֲסוֹק בְּתוֹרַת ה׳ וּלְקַיֵּים מִצְוֹות ה׳.
  1. Berachos 8b. ↩
  2. Taanis 30b. ↩
In shortThe broken Tablets in the Ark, the Midrash's “shame of face” and Yom Kippur's second Tablets all teach that teshuvah precedes Torah and mitzvos.
8With this we can explain the Midrash we cited, about the idol and the Tablets, and answer our question of how Hashem could give the Torah to idol worshippers. Even when Bnei Yisrael stumble, Heaven forbid, in the sin of idolatry, it is revealed and known before Hashem that in the end they will return in teshuvah. So the Holy One, blessed be He, engraves the Tablets to give to them, because it is revealed before Him that they will repent before they learn the Torah.
וּבָזֶה אֶפְשָׁר לְבָאֵר דִּבְרֵי הַמִּדְרָשׁ הַנִּזְכָּר, דְּאַף בְּעֵת שֶׁבְּנֵי יִשְׂרָאֵל נִכְשָׁלִים ח״ו בְּחֵטְא עֲבוֹדָה זָרָה, אֲזַי מִכֵּיוָן שֶׁגָּלוּי וְיָדוּעַ לְפָנָיו יִתְ׳ שֶׁסּוֹפָם לָשׁוּב בִּתְשׁוּבָה, עַל כֵּן הקב״ה חוֹקֵק לָהֶם הַלּוּחוֹת לְתִתָּם לָהֶם, לְפִי שֶׁגָּלוּי לְפָנָיו שֶׁיַּעֲשׂוּ תְּשׁוּבָה קוֹדֶם לִימּוּד הַתּוֹרָה.
In shortHashem engraved the Tablets even as Israel made the Calf, for He knew they would repent before receiving the Torah.
9In this light we can explain what a bride has to do with the giving of the Torah. The comparison hints that when the Holy One, blessed be He, handed us the two Tablets of the Covenant, it was like “the day of His wedding.”14 For through the Torah He constantly draws His light down to us, so that we may be together with Him, and that is a kind of marriage. Just as it is the custom of Israel that before the wedding the groom and bride fast, confess their sins and do teshuvah,15 so one must always do teshuvah before learning Torah. Then he can dwell together with Hashem and receive “knowledge and understanding” from His mouth.16
וּלְפִי זֶה יֵשׁ לְבָאֵר שַׁיָּיכוּת עִנְיַן כַּלָּה לְעִנְיַן מַתַּן תּוֹרָה, לְרַמֵּז כִּי בְּעֵת שֶׁמָּסַר לָנוּ הקב״ה אֶת שְׁנֵי לוּחוֹת הַבְּרִית, הוּא בְּחִינַת יוֹם חֲתוּנָּתוֹ (תענית כו, ב), דְּעַל יְדֵי הַתּוֹרָה מַמְשִׁיךְ לָנוּ תָּמִיד אֶת אוֹרוֹ יִתְבָּרֵךְ לִהְיוֹת יַחַד עִמּוֹ יִתְבָּרֵךְ, שֶׁזֶּהוּ בְּחִינַת נִישּׂוּאִין. וּכְשֵׁם שֶׁמִּנְהַג יִשְׂרָאֵל (משנה ברורה סימן תקעג סק״ח, ועיין בשו״ת מהר״ם מינץ סימן קט) שֶׁקּוֹדֶם הַנִּשּׂוּאִין מִתְעַנִּין הֶחָתָן וְהַכַּלָּה וּמִתְוַודִּים עַל חַטָּאֵיהֶם וְעוֹסְקִים בִּתְשׁוּבָה, כֵּן קוֹדֶם לִימּוּד הַתּוֹרָה צָרִיךְ תָּמִיד לַעֲשׂוֹת תְּשׁוּבָה, כְּדֵי שֶׁיּוּכַל לָדוּר וְלִהְיוֹת יַחַד עִמּוֹ יִתְבָּרֵךְ לְקַבֵּל מִפִּיו דַּעַת וּתְבוּנָה.
  1. Taanis 26b, where Chazal read “on the day of his wedding” (Shir HaShirim 3:11) as the giving of the Torah. ↩
  2. Mishnah Berurah 573:8; see Responsa of the Maharam Mintz, §109. ↩
  3. See Mishlei 2:6. ↩
In shortSinai was Hashem's “wedding day” with Israel; as bride and groom repent before their wedding, we must repent before learning Torah.
10This is why many of our wedding customs are modeled on the giving of the Torah: at Sinai the Holy One, blessed be He, showed Himself as a groom coming to meet the bride, Israel.17 Chazal likewise said, “One who lives without a wife lives without Torah.”18 The saying hints at a parallel. Before the giving of the Torah, Israel needed great preparation and had to be stirred to teshuvah in order to receive it. In the same way, a groom must be stirred to teshuvah before he is forgiven all his sins, and through this he can attain Torah.19 Just as the Torah was given to Israel only after its complete teshuvah, so too the gift of a bride should not be received without teshuvah.
וְזֶהוּ הַטַּעַם שֶׁמָּצִינוּ שֶׁהַרְבֵּה מֵהַמִּנְהָגִים הַנְּהוּגִים בְּנִישּׂוּאִין הֵם בְּדוּגְמַת מַתַּן תּוֹרָה, כֵּיוָן שֶׁשָּׁם הֶרְאָה הקב״ה עַצְמוֹ כְּחָתָן לִקְרַאת הַכַּלָּה הִיא יִשְׂרָאֵל (עיין תשב״ץ קטן סימן תסד). וּכְמוֹ כֵּן אָמְרוּ חז״ל (יבמות סב, ב) הַשָּׁרוּי בְּלֹא אִשָּׁה שָׁרוּי בְּלֹא תּוֹרָה, לְרַמֵּז דִּכְמוֹ שֶׁקּוֹדֶם נְתִינַת הַתּוֹרָה הָיוּ יִשְׂרָאֵל צְרִיכִים לַעֲשׂוֹת הֲכָנָה דְּרַבָּה וּלְהִתְעוֹרֵר בִּתְשׁוּבָה כְּדֵי לְקַבֵּל הַתּוֹרָה, כֵּן צָרִיךְ הֶחָתָן לְהִתְעוֹרֵר בִּתְשׁוּבָה קוֹדֶם שֶׁמּוֹחֲלִין לוֹ עַל כָּל עֲוֹונֹתָיו (עיין יבמות סג, ב. ירושלמי בכורים ג, ג, מדרש שוחר טוב שמואל יז), וְעַל יְדֵי זֶה יוּכַל לִזְכּוֹת לַתּוֹרָה. וּכְשֵׁם שֶׁהַתּוֹרָה נִיתְּנָה לְיִשְׂרָאֵל דַּוְוקָא אַחַר תְּשׁוּבָתָם הַשְּׁלֵימָה, כֵּן מַתְּנַת כַּלָּה אֵין רָאוּי לְקַבְּלָהּ לְלֹא תְּשׁוּבָה.
  1. See Tashbetz Katan §464. ↩
  2. Yevamos 62b. ↩
  3. See Yevamos 63b; Yerushalmi Bikkurim 3:3; Midrash Shocher Tov on Shmuel, 17. ↩
In shortWedding customs mirror Sinai, where Hashem came as a groom to His bride Israel; as Israel repented before the Torah, a groom repents before his wedding.
11It is the custom of Israel, and a custom of Israel is Torah, to throw roasted grain and nuts at the groom. The custom is rooted in the Gemara: “Wine is made to flow through pipes before a groom and before a bride, and roasted grain and nuts are thrown before them.”20 We do this when the groom is called up to the Torah. In light of what we have explained, we can give a reason for the custom. The Rema writes that some are careful not to eat nuts on Rosh Hashanah, because egoz, “nut,” has the same numerical value as chet, “sin.”21 So nuts are thrown at the groom as a hint that he must repent of his sins before the wedding, since, as we have seen, a groom is forgiven all his sins.
וְהִנֵּה מִנְהַג יִשְׂרָאֵל תּוֹרָה לִזְרוֹק עַל הֶחָתָן קְלָיוֹת וֶאֱגוֹזִים, וְיֵשׁ לָזֶה שׁוֹרֶשׁ בַּמֶּה שֶׁאָמְרוּ בַּגְּמָרָא (ברכות נ, א) מַמְשִׁיכִין יַיִן בְּצִינּוֹרוֹת לִפְנֵי חָתָן וְלִפְנֵי כַּלָּה וְזוֹרְקִין לִפְנֵיהֶם קְלָיוֹת וֶאֱגוֹזִים, וְאָנוּ נוֹהֲגִין כֵּן בְּעֵת עֲלִיַּית חָתָן לַתּוֹרָה. וּלְהַמְּבוֹאָר יֵשׁ לִיתֵּן טַעַם בָּזֶה, לְפִי מַה שֶּׁכָּתַב הרמ״א (סימן תקפג סעיף ב), דְּיֵשׁ מְדַקְדְּקִים שֶׁלֹּא לֶאֱכוֹל אֱגוֹזִים בְּרֹאשׁ הַשָּׁנָה, כֵּיוָן שֶׁאֱגוֹז בְּגֵימַטְרְיָא חֵטְא. וְעַל כֵּן זוֹרְקִים לְחָתָן אֱגוֹזִים, לְרַמֵּז לוֹ שֶׁהוּא צָרִיךְ לָשׁוּב קוֹדֶם הַנִּשּׂוּאִין עַל חֲטָאָיו, לְפִי שֶׁחָתָן מוֹחֲלִים לוֹ כָּל עֲוֹנֹתָיו, כַּנִּזְכָּר.
  1. Berachos 50b (the sefer has 50a). ↩
  2. Rema, Orach Chaim 583:2. Egoz (אגוז) adds up to 17, the same as chet (חט) spelled without its silent alef. ↩
In shortNuts thrown at the groom hint, since egoz equals chet in numerical value, that he must repent of his sins before his wedding.
12May the Holy One, blessed be He, grant that the words of the verse soon come true for us: “Again there will be heard in the mountains of Yehudah and in the streets of Yerushalayim the sound of joy and the sound of gladness, the sound of the groom and the sound of the bride,”22 with the coming of Moshiach ben Dovid. Amen, may it be His will.
יִתֵּן הקב״ה, שֶׁיְּקוּיַּים בָּנוּ בִּמְהֵרָה מַאֲמַר הַכָּתוּב (ירמיה לג, יא) ״עוֹד יִשָּׁמַע בְּהָרֵי יְהוּדָה וּבְחוּצוֹת יְרוּשָׁלַיִם קוֹל שָׂשׂוֹן וְקוֹל שִׂמְחָה קוֹל חָתָן וְקוֹל כַּלָּה״ עִם בִּיאַת מָשִׁיחַ בֶּן דָּוִד, אָמֵן כֵּן יְהִי רָצוֹן.
  1. Yirmiyahu 33:10–11 (the sefer has 33:11). The sefer reads “the mountains of Yehudah”; the verse itself has “the cities of Yehudah.” ↩
In shortMay we soon hear the sound of groom and bride in Yerushalayim with the coming of Moshiach.
Takeaway

The Torah is given to us like a bride to her groom, and just as a groom and bride do teshuvah before their wedding, we must open at least a small opening of teshuvah before we learn or pray. The shame we feel over our deeds is part of that preparation, as the broken Tablets in the Ark and the second Tablets given on Yom Kippur teach. Even when Israel stumbled badly, Hashem was already engraving the Tablets for them, knowing they would return; our part is only to begin, and He widens the opening and brings us all the way to Him.

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English translation, notes and summaries © Zechusam.