Camped in the Wilderness: The Teshuvah That Uplifts Others
From the Torah ofRav Dovid Matisyohu Rabinowitzהרב דוד מתתיהו בן יחיאל יהושע רבינוביץProfile ›
Shemos 19:2
וַיִּסְעוּ מֵרְפִידִים וַיָּבֹאוּ מִדְבַּר סִינַי וַיַּחֲנוּ בַּמִּדְבָּר וַיִּחַן־שָׁם יִשְׂרָאֵל נֶגֶד הָהָר
They journeyed from Refidim and came to the Wilderness of Sinai, and they encamped in the wilderness; and Israel encamped there opposite the mountain.
Rashi: “They journeyed from Refidim”: the verse compares their journey from Refidim to their arrival at the Wilderness of Sinai. Just as their arrival at the Wilderness of Sinai was in teshuvah, so their journey from Refidim was in teshuvah. “And Israel encamped there”: as one man with one heart, whereas all their other encampments were with complaints and strife.
1“They journeyed from Refidim and came to the Wilderness of Sinai, and they encamped in the wilderness; and Israel encamped there opposite the mountain.”1 Why does the verse add, “and they encamped in the wilderness”? Once they had come to the Wilderness of Sinai, they surely encamped there, in the wilderness!
וַיִּסְעוּ מֵרְפִידִים וַיָּבוֹאוּ מִדְבַּר סִינַי וַיַּחֲנוּ בַּמִּדְבָּר וַיִּחַן שָׁם יִשְׂרָאֵל כְּנֶגֶד הָהָר (שמות יט, ב). צָרִיךְ בֵּיאוּר לָמָּה חָזַר הַכָּתוּב וְאָמַר ׳וַיַּחֲנוּ בַּמִּדְבָּר׳, הֲלֹא כֵּיוָן שֶׁבָּאוּ לְמִדְבַּר סִינַי אִם כֵּן בְּוַדַּאי חָנוּ שָׁם בַּמִּדְבָּר.
- Shemos 19:2. ↩
In shortWhy must the verse add “they encamped in the wilderness” right after saying that they came to the Wilderness of Sinai?
2aLet us first cite the words of my holy great-grandfather of Biala, zy"a.2 There are two kinds of teshuvah, he writes. The first comes when a person reflects on the holiness of the Torah and sees how very far he is from it. He returns in complete teshuvah before Hashem, blessed be He, and waits and longs to be privileged to learn, keep and fulfill all the words of the holy Torah truly and wholeheartedly. That is the first kind of teshuvah. There is another kind, higher than the first. A person returns before Hashem for no particular reason at all, only because he reflects on Hashem's greatness and exaltedness and on his own lowliness. He truly recognizes that for all his deeds he has not yet given even a drop in the ocean of what he owes, measured against Hashem's greatness. This makes him deeply ashamed before Hashem, and he returns before Him at all times. This is true teshuvah, for through it a person becomes bound to the root of teshuvah on high.
וְנַקְדִּים דִּבְרֵי זְקֵינִי זי״ע מביאלא (דברי בינה שבועות ד״ה ויסעו), וְזֶה לְשׁוֹנוֹ, וְהָעִנְיָן הוּא, כִּי יֵשׁ שְׁנֵי בְּחִינוֹת תְּשׁוּבָה, הָאֶחָד הוּא כַּאֲשֶׁר מִתְבּוֹנֵן בִּקְדוּשַּׁת הַתּוֹרָה אֵיךְ שֶׁהוּא רָחוֹק מְאֹד מֵהַתּוֹרָה הַקְּדוֹשָׁה, וְשָׁב בִּתְשׁוּבָה שְׁלֵימָה לְפָנָיו יִתְבָּרֵךְ, וּמְחַכֶּה וּמְצַפֶּה שֶׁיִּזְכֶּה לִלְמוֹד וְלִשְׁמוֹר וּלְקַיֵּים אֶת כָּל דִּבְרֵי הַתּוֹרָה הַקְּדוֹשָׁה בֶּאֱמֶת וּבְתָמִים, זֶה הוּא הַתְּשׁוּבָה הָא׳. וְיֵשׁ עוֹד בְּחִינַת תְּשׁוּבָה לְמַעְלָה הֵימֶנָּה, הַיְינוּ שֶׁיָּשׁוּב לְפָנָיו יִתְבָּרֵךְ בְּלִי שׁוּם סִיבָּה כְּלָל, רַק מִפְּנֵי הַהִתְבּוֹנְנוּת בְּגוֹדֶל רוֹמְמוּתוֹ יִתְבָּרֵךְ וְשִׁפְלוּת עַצְמוֹ, וּמַכִּיר בֶּאֱמֶת שֶׁבְּכָל מַעֲשָׂיו לֹא יָצָא עֲדַיִין יְדֵי חוֹבָתוֹ כְּטִיפָּה מִן הַיָּם מוּל גַּדְלוּת ה׳ יִתְבָּרֵךְ, וְעַל יְדֵי זֶה הוּא מִתְבַּיֵּישׁ מְאֹד מִלִּפְנֵי ה׳ יִתְבָּרֵךְ, וְשָׁב לְפָנָיו יִתְבָּרֵךְ בְּכָל עֵת, זוֹ הִיא הַתְּשׁוּבָה הָאֲמִיתִּית, שֶׁעַל יְדֵי זֶה מִתְקַשֵּׁר בְּשׁוֹרֶשׁ הַתְּשׁוּבָה הָעֶלְיוֹנָה.
- The first Biala Rebbe, author of Divrei Binah, the Rebbe's great-grandfather. Divrei Binah, Shavuos, s.v. Vayisu. ↩
2bThat is why we pray in Shemoneh Esrei, “Bring us back, our Father, to Your Torah.” This corresponds to the first teshuvah, in which a person is ashamed before the holy Torah that he has not yet kept what is written in it, and so returns to Hashem. “And return us in complete teshuvah before You” corresponds to true teshuvah, in which a person returns to Hashem because of His greatness and exaltedness. That is why it says “before You” in particular. The difference between the two kinds of teshuvah is this. When a person attains the true teshuvah, which comes from Hashem's greatness and exaltedness, he becomes bound to the root of the power of teshuvah. Then he can awaken the power of teshuvah in the hearts of Israel, so that they too are stirred to return to Hashem, blessed be He. The first kind of teshuvah is different: it helps only the person himself. Through it he returns, feels ashamed of his past deeds and takes it upon himself to keep all the words of the Torah. But the power of this teshuvah does not reach others and bring them, too, back to Hashem. That is the gist of his words.
וְזֶה שֶׁאָנוּ מִתְפַּלְּלִים בִּשְׁמוֹנָה עֶשְׂרֵה ׳הֲשִׁיבֵנוּ אָבִינוּ לְתוֹרָתֶךָ׳, זֶה כְּנֶגֶד תְּשׁוּבָה הָא׳, שֶׁהוּא מִתְבַּיֵּישׁ לִפְנֵי הַתּוֹרָה הַקְּדוֹשָׁה שֶׁלֹּא קִיֵּים עֲדַיִין מַה שֶּׁכָּתוּב בָּהּ, וְשָׁב עַל יְדֵי זֶה לְפָנָיו יִתְבָּרֵךְ. ׳וְהַחֲזִירֵנוּ בִּתְשׁוּבָה שְׁלֵימָה לְפָנֶיךָ׳, הוּא כְּנֶגֶד הַתְּשׁוּבָה הָאֲמִיתִּית, שֶׁיָּשׁוּב הָאָדָם לְפָנָיו יִתְבָּרֵךְ, מֵחֲמַת גּוֹדֶל רוֹמְמוּתוֹ יִתְבָּרֵךְ, וְזֶה ׳לְפָנֶיךָ׳ דַּיְיקָא. וְהִנֵּה הַהֶפְרֵשׁ בֵּין בְּחִינוֹת הַתְּשׁוּבָה הוּא, כִּי כַּאֲשֶׁר זוֹכֶה הָאָדָם לִתְשׁוּבָה הָאֲמִיתִּית מֵחֲמַת גּוֹדֶל רוֹמְמוּתוֹ יִתְבָּרֵךְ שֶׁעַל יְדֵי זֶה מִתְקַשֵּׁר בְּשׁוֹרֶשׁ כֹּחַ הַתְּשׁוּבָה, אֲזַי יָכוֹל לְהַכְנִיס הִתְעוֹרְרוּת כֹּחַ הַתְּשׁוּבָה בְּלִבּוֹת יִשְׂרָאֵל, שֶׁיִּתְעוֹרְרוּ גַּם הֵם לָשׁוּב לְפָנָיו יִתְבָּרֵךְ, מַה שֶׁאֵין כֵּן בְּחִינַת הַתְּשׁוּבָה הָא׳ הוּא מוֹעִיל רַק לְעַצְמוֹ, שֶׁעַל יְדֵי זֶה הוּא שָׁב וּמִתְבַּיֵּישׁ מִמַּעֲשָׂיו הַקּוֹדְמִים, וּמְקַבֵּל עַל עַצְמוֹ לְקַיֵּים כָּל דִּבְרֵי הַתּוֹרָה, אֲבָל כֹּחַ הַתְּשׁוּבָה הַזּוֹ אֵינוֹ פּוֹעֵל גַּם לַאֲחֵרִים שֶׁיָּשׁוּבוּ עַל יְדֵי זֶה לְפָנָיו יִתְבָּרֵךְ, עכ״ד.
In shortTeshuvah born of shame before the Torah helps only the penitent; true teshuvah, born of Hashem's greatness, stirs others to return as well.
3aWe know that Bnei Yisrael made a great preparation for receiving the Torah during the three days of setting bounds, through separation and the like.3 Surely, then, they also did teshuvah. For the Chozeh of Lublin, zt"l, said that before Torah and prayer one must do teshuvah, so that the verse will not, Heaven forbid, apply to us: “But to the wicked God said: What have you to do with recounting My statutes?”4 So here, when Bnei Yisrael came to receive the Torah, they certainly did teshuvah. Rashi says the same: they arrived at Mount Sinai in teshuvah.5 And when they came in teshuvah, they returned to their root.
וְהִנֵּה כַּיָּדוּעַ בְּנֵי יִשְׂרָאֵל עָשׂוּ הֲכָנָה דְּרַבָּה לְקַבָּלַת הַתּוֹרָה בִּשְׁלוֹשֶׁת יְמֵי הַגְבָּלָה, עַל יְדֵי פְּרִישָׁה וְכַיּוֹצֵא בָּזֶה, וְאִם כֵּן בְּוַדַּאי שֶׁעָשׂוּ גַּם תְּשׁוּבָה, כְּמוֹ שֶׁאָמַר הַחוֹזֶה מלובלין זצלה״ה שֶׁקּוֹדֶם תּוֹרָה וּתְפִלָּה צְרִיכִים לַעֲשׂוֹת תְּשׁוּבָה שֶׁלֹּא נִהְיֶה ח״ו בִּבְחִינַת ״וְלָרָשָׁע אָמַר אֱלֹקִים מַה לְּךָ לְסַפֵּר חוּקָּי״ (תהלים נ, טז), וְאִם כֵּן כָּאן שֶׁיִּשְׂרָאֵל בָּאוּ לְקַבֵּל אֶת הַתּוֹרָה, אֲזַי בְּוַדַּאי שֶׁעָשׂוּ תְּשׁוּבָה, וְכֵן כָּתַב רש״י שֶׁהָיָה בִּיאָתָן לְהַר סִינַי בִּתְשׁוּבָה, וּכְשֶׁבָּאוּ בִּתְשׁוּבָה חָזְרוּ לְשׁוֹרְשָׁן.
3bBut the teshuvah they did now was not for failings in keeping the mitzvos of the Torah. This was still before the giving of the Torah, and they had hardly any mitzvos yet. Rather, they repented out of reflecting on the greatness of the Creator and their own lowliness, the second, higher kind of teshuvah that the Divrei Binah describes. This is the meaning of “and they encamped in the wilderness.” The wilderness hints at lowliness, at making oneself ownerless like a wilderness.6 For there a person reaches the level of one who has nothing of his own at all,7 and then, as a matter of course, he is privileged to see the greatness of the Creator. This answers our question of why the verse needed to point out that they encamped in the wilderness. It teaches us the preparation they made for receiving the Torah: they held themselves lowly, like a wilderness.
אַךְ הִנֵּה בְּחִינַת הַתְּשׁוּבָה שֶׁעָשׂוּ עַתָּה לֹא הָיְתָה עַל מַה שֶׁפָּגְמוּ בְּקִיּוּם מִצְוֹת הַתּוֹרָה, שֶׁהֲרֵי אָז הָיָה קוֹדֶם מַתַּן תּוֹרָה וְלֹא הָיָה בְּיָדָם עֲדַיִין כִּמְעַט שׁוּם מִצְוָה, אֶלָּא עָשׂוּ תְּשׁוּבָה מֵחֲמַת הִתְבּוֹנְנוּת בְּגַדְלוּת הַבּוֹרֵא וְשִׁפְלוּת עַצְמוֹ כְּדֶרֶךְ הַשְּׁנִיָּה הַנִּזְכֶּרֶת, וְזֶהוּ ׳וַיַּחֲנוּ בַּמִּדְבָּר׳, דְּמִדְבָּר רוֹמֵז לְשִׁפְלוּת, בִּבְחִינַת הֶפְקֵר כַּמִּדְבָּר (במדבר רבה א, ז), כִּי שָׁם מַגִּיעִים לְדַרְגָּא דְּלֵית לֵיהּ מִגַּרְמֵיהּ כְּלוּם (על פי זוהר ח״א קסח, ב), וְאָז מִמֵּילָא זוֹכִים לִרְאוֹת בְּגַדְלוּת הַבּוֹרֵא. וּמְיוּשָּׁב מַדּוּעַ הוּצְרַךְ לְצַיֵּין שֶׁמְּקוֹם חֲנִיָּיתָם הָיָה בַּמִּדְבָּר, לְהוֹרוֹת עַל הַהֲכָנָה שֶׁעָשׂוּ לְקַבָּלַת הַתּוֹרָה, שֶׁהֶחֱזִיקוּ עַצְמָם בְּשִׁפְלוּת כַּמִּדְבָּר.
- Bamidbar Rabbah 1:7. There Chazal say that only one who makes himself ownerless like the wilderness can acquire wisdom and Torah. ↩
- Based on Zohar I 168b. ↩
In shortBefore Sinai, with hardly any mitzvos yet, Israel did the higher teshuvah of lowliness before the Creator: “they encamped in the wilderness.”
4The verse ends, “and Israel encamped there,” and Rashi explains: “As one man with one heart.” Because they held themselves like a wilderness and reflected on the greatness of the Creator, they were privileged to reach the level of “as one man with one heart.” They all returned in teshuvah together, and it was the higher teshuvah we described, the only kind that has the power to move others to repent too. So each one who returned also moved his fellow to return. That is why it is said of them, “like one man.” They are also described as “with one heart.” We know that every person has two hearts, the yetzer hara and the yetzer tov.8 But when a person returns in true teshuvah on such a level, he has only one heart, because the yetzer hara is turned to good. That is “with one heart.”
וְסִיֵּים הַכָּתוּב ״וַיִּחַן שָׁם יִשְׂרָאֵל״, וּפֵירֵשׁ רש״י כְּאִישׁ אֶחָד בְּלֵב אֶחָד, שֶׁעַל יְדֵי שֶׁהֶחֱזִיקוּ עַצְמָם כַּמִּדְבָּר וְהִתְבּוֹנְנוּ בְּגַדְלוּת הַבּוֹרֵא, עַל יְדֵי כֵּן זָכוּ לְמַדְרִיגַת כְּאִישׁ אֶחָד בְּלֵב אֶחָד, כִּי מֵאַחַר שֶׁשָּׁבוּ בִּתְשׁוּבָה כּוּלָּם כְּאֶחָד, וְעָשׂוּ הַתְּשׁוּבָה הַמְּעוּלָּה הַנִּזְכֶּרֶת, שֶׁרַק בָּהּ יֵשׁ כֹּחַ לְהַשְׁפִּיעַ גַּם עַל חֲבֵירָיו שֶׁיַּעֲשׂוּ תְּשׁוּבָה, מִמֵּילָא כָּל אֶחָד שֶׁשָּׁב בִּתְשׁוּבָה הִשְׁפִּיעַ גַּם עַל חֲבֵירוֹ לָשׁוּב בִּתְשׁוּבָה, וְלָכֵן נֶאֱמַר בָּהֶם ׳כְּאִישׁ אֶחָד׳. וּמַה שֶׁנֶּאֱמַר בָּהֶם עוֹד ׳בְּלֵב אֶחָד׳, הַיְינוּ דִּכְיָדוּעַ לְכָל אָדָם יֵשׁ שְׁנֵי לְבָבוֹת יֵצֶר הָרַע וְיֵצֶר הַטּוֹב (על פי ברכות נד, א), אֲבָל כְּשֶׁחוֹזְרִים בִּתְשׁוּבָה אֲמִיתִּית בְּדַרְגָּא כָּזוֹ אֲזַי יֵשׁ לָאָדָם רַק לֵב אֶחָד, כִּי נֶהְפַּךְ הַיֵּצֶר הָרַע לְטוֹב, וְזֶהוּ ׳בְּלֵב אֶחָד׳.
- Based on Berachos 54a. ↩
In shortTheir higher teshuvah stirred one another, making them “one man,” and turned the yetzer hara to good, leaving each with “one heart.”
5What we have said also explains the Gemara's teaching that “seven things were created before the world was created,” and one of them is teshuvah.9 But why was teshuvah needed before creation, when there was no one in the world yet? The point is to show that true teshuvah is of the second kind. It applies even before the giving of the Torah, even at the time when it arose in Hashem's will to create the world. For a person must do teshuvah out of reflecting on the greatness of the Creator, in the spirit of “Lift up your eyes on high and see Who created these.”10 That is teshuvah at the root, which moves others as well.
וּלְפִי הָאָמוּר יְבוֹאֲרוּ דִּבְרֵי הַגְּמָרָא (פסחים נד, א) שִׁבְעָה דְּבָרִים נִבְרְאוּ קוֹדֶם בְּרִיאַת הָעוֹלָם וְאֶחָד מֵהֶם תְּשׁוּבָה. וְצָרִיךְ בֵּיאוּר מַה צּוֹרֶךְ הָיָה לְהַתְּשׁוּבָה קוֹדֶם הַבְּרִיאָה בְּעֵת שֶׁאֵין עֲדַיִין אַף אֶחָד בָּעוֹלָם. אֶלָּא הָעִנְיָן הוּא, לְהַרְאוֹת שֶׁהַתְּשׁוּבָה הָאֲמִיתִּית הִיא בִּבְחִינָה הַשְּׁנִיָּה, שֶׁהִיא שַׁיֶּיכֶת אַף קוֹדֶם מַתַּן תּוֹרָה בְּעֵת שֶׁעָלָה לְפָנָיו לִבְרוֹא הָעוֹלָם, לְפִי שֶׁצְּרִיכִים לַעֲשׂוֹת תְּשׁוּבָה מִתּוֹךְ הִתְבּוֹנְנוּת בְּגַדְלוּת הַבּוֹרֵא בִּבְחִינַת ״שְׂאוּ מָרוֹם עֵינֵיכֶם וּרְאוּ מִי בָרָא אֵלֶּה״ (ישעיהו מ, כו), וְזֶהוּ תְּשׁוּבָה בְּשׁוֹרֶשׁ שֶׁמַּשְׁפִּיעַ גַּם עַל אֲחֵרִים.
In shortTeshuvah preceded creation because its truest form rests not on sin or commandments but on the Creator's greatness, and so it moves others too.
6May Hashem help us to do teshuvah that reaches its root. Then, when we receive the Torah, the words “But to the wicked God said” will not, Heaven forbid, apply to us. And may we be privileged to see blessing and the coming of Moshiach. Amen.
ה׳ יַעֲזוֹר לָנוּ שֶׁנּוּכַל לַעֲשׂוֹת תְּשׁוּבָה שֶׁיַּגִּיעַ לְשׁוֹרְשׁוֹ, וְאָז לֹא נִהְיֶה בְּקַבָּלַת הַתּוֹרָה ח״ו בִּבְחִינַת וְלָרָשָׁע אָמַר אֱלֹקִים, וְנִזְכֶּה לִבְרָכָה וּלְבִיאַת מָשִׁיחַ, אָמֵן.
In shortMay we do teshuvah that reaches its root, receive the Torah worthily, and see blessing and the coming of Moshiach.
Takeaway
Teshuvah need not wait for a list of sins; its highest form comes from standing before Hashem's greatness and seeing how small we are and how little we have yet given Him. That is the wilderness Israel encamped in before Sinai, and it is still the preparation we need before we learn and pray. Such teshuvah does not stay private: when one person truly returns from that root, it stirs those around him, and together they become “as one man with one heart.”
Learn this in the merit of Rav Dovid Matisyohu Rabinowitz. His yahrzeit and life ›
English translation, notes and summaries © Zechusam.