Visiting Kivrei Tzaddikim: Customs, Tefillos and Guidance

For thousands of years, Jews in need have made their way to the resting places of tzaddikim to daven. A visit to a kever can open the heart in a way few other places can. Here is what the custom means, how to prepare, and what to say when you arrive.

Why We Go: Calev at Chevron

The custom reaches back to the time of Moshe Rabbeinu. When the twelve meraglim (spies) went to scout Eretz Yisroel, the posuk says, "And he came to Chevron" (Bamidbar 13:22), in the singular. The Gemara (Sotah 34b) explains that Calev separated from the others and went alone to the Me'aras HaMachpelah. There he threw himself down at the kevarim of the Avos and asked that they plead for mercy, so he would be saved from the plan of the other spies.

Calev stood firm and was later rewarded with a portion in Eretz Yisroel. His visit became the model for every Jew who goes to a kever in a time of need. The Gemara (Taanis 16a) also records that in a time of drought, people would go out to the cemetery to arouse mercy. The Zohar adds that tzaddikim protect the world even more after their passing than during their lives, and that their kevarim are places where tefillah rises with special power.

Praying Through the Tzaddik, Not to Him

It is important to be clear about what we do at a kever. We never daven to the person buried there; all our tefillos are directed to Hashem alone. The Kitzur Shulchan Aruch (128:13) writes that one should ask Hashem for mercy in the merit of the tzaddikim who rest there.

The tzaddik is like a beloved advocate. He spent his life caring for Klal Yisroel, and his soul still cares. We come to the place where his body rests, a place made holy by his life of Torah and mitzvos, and ask Hashem to answer us in his zechus (merit). This is the same request Calev made at Chevron.

Preparing for the Visit

Many men go to the mikvah before visiting a kever, to come in a state of purity. Giving tzedakah beforehand is a long-standing custom, and many set aside coins to give on site, where collectors for the poor are often waiting.

Take a few quiet minutes to decide what you want to ask for. Write the names of people who need a yeshuah (salvation): their Hebrew name and their mother's Hebrew name. Bring a Tehillim or a Maaneh Lashon, and dress modestly, as you would for shul.

Check practical details in advance: opening hours, whether there are separate sections for men and women, and whether the kever is inside a building. On a hilula the crowds can be very large, so plan for long waits.

What to Say at the Kever

When you come to a cemetery and have not seen kevarim in thirty days, the Kitzur Shulchan Aruch records a bracha, Asher Yatzar Eschem BaDin, praising Hashem who gives life and will one day restore it. At the kever itself one asks that the person buried there rest in peace and that his merit stand for the visitor, and the custom is to place only the left hand on the kever.

Tehillim is the main text. A common order is to say chapters 33, 16, 17, 72, 91, 104 and 130, and then the chapter of 119 whose letters spell the tzaddik's name and then the word neshama. Maaneh Lashon, a classic collection of tefillos for the kever, lays out this order with prayers for the living and for the soul of the tzaddik.

At some kevarim there is a special custom. At the kever of Rebbe Nachman in Uman, visitors say the ten chapters of the Tikkun HaKlali and give tzedakah, as the Rebbe asked before his passing. At the kever of Rachel Imeinu, many say Tehillim for children, health and shidduchim, and for the return of her children to Eretz Yisroel.

Then speak to Hashem in your own words, in any language. A broken, honest sentence said at a kever can mean more than many pages. Finish by learning a little of the tzaddik's Torah if you can.

Kvitlach and Pidyon Nefesh

A kvitel is a short written request with your Hebrew name, your mother's Hebrew name and what you are asking for. In the courts of the Rebbes, chassidim would hand a kvitel to the Rebbe together with a pidyon nefesh (a gift of tzedakah "redeeming the soul"). The custom continues at the kever: many read their kvitel aloud, then leave it at the kever or tear it and place it there.

A pidyon is usually a sum of tzedakah linked to the person's name, often in multiples of chai (eighteen). It is given to the poor or to an institution connected to the tzaddik. If you cannot travel, you can send your kvitel with someone who is going.

Kohanim and the Ohel

A kohen may not come within four amos (about two meters) of a kever, and may not enter a building or ohel (structure built over a kever) that contains one. Some poskim discuss whether the kevarim of tzaddikim cause tumah (ritual impurity), but the common practice is to be strict.

Many kivrei tzaddikim now have a special window, separate room or outside area so kohanim can daven nearby without becoming tamei. Every kohen should ask his rav before visiting a cemetery or an ohel, and check the layout of the site before he goes.

Behaving With Kavod

A kever is a place of holiness, and our behavior should show it. Speak quietly, avoid idle talk and phone calls, and do not eat inside the ohel. Do not step or sit on kevarim, and keep tzitzis tucked in near graves, as is the custom.

When leaving, many are careful to walk out facing the kever rather than turning their back on it. After leaving the cemetery it is customary to wash hands three times, alternating, without drying them with a towel. Many also avoid visiting the same kever twice on one day. Customs vary from place to place, so follow the local practice or ask a rav.

Travel and Safety Notes

Many kevarim are in remote towns or abroad. Travel with an organized group if you can, carry water, and follow local safety advice and government travel warnings. Keep your passport and money secure, especially in large crowds.

On a busy hilula, follow the instructions of the organizers and police, keep to marked paths, and look out for children and older people. A visit to a tzaddik should bring blessing; caring for your own safety and others' is part of that.