Mesirus Nefesh Not to Shame a Jew

Rav Elimelech Biderman told how Rav Boruch Ber was once present at a derosha. The darshan went on and on, and Rav Boruch Ber had an urgent need to leave. What should he do, get up in the middle? He simply could not bring himself to do so. He needed to leave so badly that the strain and anxiety made the blood rush to his face and he appeared red.

The darshan, mistaking Rav Boruch Ber's anxiety for excitement over the derosha, decided to give him even more reason for pleasure. He continued with his derosha and made it longer and more complex, and went on and on.

At last the derosha ended and the darshan left the room. By then the strain of the long wait was too much for Rav Boruch Ber, and he fainted. His friend, Rav Herman, revived him and asked if he should fetch medical help. Rav Boruch Ber explained why no doctor was needed.

"Why didn't you just get up and leave in the middle if you needed to leave so badly?" asked Rav Herman.

"How could I?" Rav Boruch Ber answered. "Had I left in the middle of his derosha, he would have been hurt. He and others might have misunderstood my leaving. Perhaps people would think I disagreed with the content of his derosha, and he would have been ashamed."

That was Rav Boruch Ber. He would rather have suffered anxiety and stress, and physical discomfort, even danger to his health, in order to prevent another Jew from suffering shame or embarrassment.