Jewels of Longing

The beis medrash was packed. Every seat was taken by someone deeply absorbed in learning, reciting Tehillim with feeling, or lost in fervent prayer. It was Elul, and the air itself seemed to carry the teshuvah of the approaching Yomim Noraim.

Into this atmosphere came the Uhjler Rav, Rav Moshe Yosef Teitelbaum. To his great distress, he felt cold and unmoved by the fire of Elul. He was bitterly disappointed in himself, and instead of passing, the feeling grew worse through all the days of selichos and the Aseres Yemei Teshuvah.

“What is wrong with me?” he sighed. Elul went by without a flicker of passion in his heart. “Why do I feel nothing on these days of rachamim and ratzon, mercy and favor?” he cried.

His answer came from his zeide, the holy Sanzer Rav, the Divrei Chaim. Right after the Yomim Noraim the Uhjler Rav traveled to Sanz.

That Shabbos, at the Friday night tisch, the Divrei Chaim recited the words of the Arizal’s hymn for Shabbos, “Na’avid lehon kisrin bemilin yakirin,” “We shall make crowns for Him from precious words.” Then he paused and said: “When Klal Yisroel serve Hashem with prayer and devotion, their avodah makes jewels for Hashem’s crown. Each jewel shines according to the quality of each person’s service. Some shine brightly and some are duller, and some jewels,” and here he paused for emphasis, “some jewels glow most brilliantly from those who agonize over their apparent lack of feeling, who cannot muster enthusiasm though they long to be close to Hashem. That is why we say ‘yakirin,’ precious. Those words are weighty and costly, because they were spoken with a heavy heart that longs for Hashem.”

Rav Moshe Yosef had his answer, and the Uhjler Rav rejoiced.