Not Worthy of the Kivrei Avos

Rav Fisher related the following account.

In the summer of Tav-Shin-Lamed-Alef, I was driving my car past the Bais Yisrael neighborhood in Yerushalayim, when suddenly I noticed Rav Chaim Shmuelevitz standing by the bus stop, waiting. I stopped my car and offered him a ride. "Listen, you don't know where I am traveling to and I don't wish to take you out of your way, so I don't want to get into your car," the Rosh Yeshiva answered.

"I am traveling in the same direction as you anyway."

"How do you know which way I am headed?" smiled the Rosh Yeshiva in response, and I answered him the same: "And how does the Rosh Yeshiva know which way I am headed?"

In the end, the Rosh Yeshiva admitted defeat to my coaxing and arguments, and agreed to get into my car.

As soon as he was settled, I turned to the Rosh Yeshiva and asked, "Where to?"

"To Chevron, to the Kivrei Avos," answered Rav Chaim.

"That's exactly where I was going," I bantered back. We continued on our way until we arrived not far from Kever Rochel. We were prevented from continuing by a large Arab demonstration taking place following the Egyptian president's death. This violent demonstration was accompanied by rock-throwing toward our vehicle, and I had no choice but to turn the car around and head back, seeing that our way was blocked and dangerous.

After a few minutes, the Rosh Yeshiva asked, "Why are we headed back?"

"Because," I answered naively, "they are throwing rocks at us and it's dangerous."

At this, the Rosh Yeshiva began to cry and he declared, "No. That is not why. That is not the reason. We are headed back because from Shomayim they aren't giving me the opportunity. I don't have the zechus to daven at the Kivrei Avos. The demonstration, the Arabs, the rocks, all these obstacles are against me, personally, to prevent me from getting to the Avos. Through my numerous sins I have been prevented, because I don't have the zechus to daven at the Kivrei Avos." And so he continued to cry.

This memory is something that will always be with me, explained Rav Fisher, and from that trip I learned hands-on that if ever anything in life is a failure, if ever something doesn't work out the way I chose or decided, the fault lies solely with me. I am he who was found unworthy. I did not have the zechus (merit), and I am the cause of my own failures.