Asking Forgiveness at the Pri Chadash's Grave
On a visit to the graves of tzaddikim, the Chida watched his rebbi ask forgiveness from a great sage he had argued with in print.
A story ofRav Chaim Yosef Dovid Azulaiהרב חיים יוסף דוד בן רפאל אזולאיProfile ›
In Shem HaGedolim, in his entry on the Pri Toar, the Chida describes something he saw as a young man. Rav Chaim ben Attar, the Ohr HaChaim, used to lead his students on visits to pray at the graves of tzaddikim in Yerushalayim, and the Chida, then still a youth, was among those who went with him.
One day they reached the grave of the author of the Pri Chadash. The Ohr HaChaim did not stay with the group. He stood there alone, for a quarter of an hour or more, and the students could see his lips moving as he spoke to the one buried below.
They understood what he was doing. In his own sefer, Pri Toar, the Ohr HaChaim had ruled against the Pri Chadash on several points. Now he stood before the grave and asked for forgiveness, and told him that all his arguments had been made purely for the sake of Heaven.
The Chida never forgot it. A scholar who had ruled against a great predecessor in print still wanted no hurt to remain between them, and years later the Chida set down what he had seen, so that it would not be forgotten.
Source: Rav Chaim Yosef Dovid Azulai, Shem HaGedolim, Maareches Sefarim, Letter Peh, entry Pri Toar (the Chida's own eyewitness note; text on Sefaria).
Think of someone with whom you have recently argued, whether over a decision, a halachic question or a family matter. You may have been right. Even so, tell them today, in person or by message, that you hope nothing you said hurt them and that you respect them. You do not need to change your view, only to remove the sting. A disagreement that is meant for the sake of Heaven can end the way the Ohr HaChaim's did.