Rebuke That Lifts
Correcting people by reminding them of their greatness raises their souls, while shaming them only hardens hearts.
At Mei Merivah, Hashem told Moshe to speak to the rock, yet Moshe called the people rebels and struck it. Some explain that his mistake was the harsh word, others that it was striking instead of speaking. The Kedushas Levi teaches that the two are really one. There are two ways to correct the Jewish people. One reminds them of the greatness of their souls and of how much the Creator delights in their mitzvos, and this awakens them to rise. The other shames them by dwelling on how far they have fallen. In that painful moment Moshe spoke the second way, and striking the rock mirrored his words, as though the people were as unfeeling as stone. Hashem wanted the first way. The one who corrects Israel with goodness, the Rebbe writes, 'raises the soul of Israel higher and higher,' and he is truly fit to lead them.
Source: Kedushas Levi, Bamidbar, Chukas (on Bamidbar 20:8)
The next time you need to correct a child, a student or a colleague, begin with something true and good about them: You are someone who cares about doing things right, so let's look at this together. Speak to who they can be, not only to what went wrong, and leave out words like always and never. People tend to rise toward the picture we hold up of them, and a respectful word opens a heart that a harsh one only closes.