Lifting Another Without Letting Go
To bring a Jew back, Reb Zusha worked first on himself, and a ladder shows why the one being lifted must also take part.
Rivkah tells Yaakov to stay with Lavan until Esav’s fury passes and he forgets what Yaakov did to him. Menoras Zahav reads the verse through a custom of Reb Zusha. Whenever he wanted to bring someone back to Hashem, he did not begin with the other person. He fasted, cleaved to Hashem in deveikus and afflicted himself until the other was drawn along with him to teshuvah. The sefer, drawing on the Mevaser Tzedek, pictures two climbers on a ladder. The one on top can pull the one below up beside him, but only if the one below allows himself to be lifted. If he makes himself heavy, he falls back farther than where he began. So Rivkah tells Yaakov to cleave to Hashem. Either Esav rises with him and his anger turns away, or he falls so far that he forgets Yaakov altogether. The compiler adds that this matches the Sages’ words that the cursed does not cleave to the blessed.
Source: Menoras Zahav, Bereishis, Parshas Toldos (on Bereishis 27:44–45)
If you hope to help someone grow, whether a child, a spouse or a friend, begin with something you can do alone today. Say one tefillah with more attention, give a coin to tzedakah before davening, or learn a few minutes in the quiet of the morning. Then invite the other person gently, and leave room for them to say no. Your own closeness to Hashem is the first thing you can offer them.