This Anochi: Rivkah's Pain and Her Holy Son
Bereishis 25:22
וַיִּתְרֹצֲצוּ הַבָּנִים בְּקִרְבָּהּ וַתֹּאמֶר אִם־כֵּן לָמָּה זֶּה אָנֹכִי וַתֵּלֶךְ לִדְרֹשׁ אֶת־יְהוָה
The children struggled within her, and she said, “If so, why am I this way?” And she went to inquire of Hashem.
7a“And she said, ‘If so, why am I this way?’” The Arizal wrote that righteous women do not suffer pain in pregnancy and birth. So when Rivkah saw that she was in pain, she concluded that she was not one of the righteous women, or she would not have had the pain of pregnancy. Something holy cannot rest in one who is not good: like keeps company with like, as Chazal learn from the verse “every raven after its kind.”1 Yet Chazal also said that whenever Rivkah passed the doorways of the houses of study, Yaakov would struggle to come out.2 So she saw that within her was a son from the source of holiness, since he wanted to come out whenever she passed a holy place. And the source of holiness is called Anochi, as in “Anochi, I, am Hashem your God.”3
וַתֹּאמֶר אִם כֵּן לָמָּה זֶּה אָנֹכִי (בראשית כה, כב). פֵּירוּשׁ עַל פִּי דְּכָתַב האר"י ז"ל דְּנָשִׁים צִדְקָנִיּוֹת אֵין לָהֶם צַעַר עִיבּוּר וְלֵידָה עַיֵּין שָׁם, אִם כֵּן רִבְקָה שֶׁרָאֲתָה שֶׁיֵּשׁ לָהּ צַעַר חָשְׁבָה בְּדַעְתָּהּ שֶׁהִיא אֵינָהּ מִצִּדְקָנִיּוֹת דְּאִם לֹא כֵן לֹא הָיָה לָהּ צַעַר עִיבּוּר. וְיָדוּעַ דְּמִי שֶׁאֵינוֹ טוֹב אִי אֶפְשָׁר שֶׁיִּשְׁרֶה בּוֹ דְּבַר קְדוּשָּׁה כְּמַאֲמַר חֲכָמֵינוּ ז"ל כָּל עוֹרֵב לְמִינוֹ (ויקרא יא, טו) וְהִנֵּה רַבּוֹתֵינוּ זִכְרוֹנָם לִבְרָכָה אָמְרוּ כְּשֶׁהָיְתָה עוֹבֶרֶת עַל פֶּתַח בָּתֵּי מִדְרָשׁוֹת הָיָה יַעֲקֹב מְפַרְכֵּס לָצֵאת, אִם כֵּן רָאֲתָה שֶׁיֵּשׁ בְּקִרְבָּהּ בֵּן אֶחָד שֶׁהוּא מִמְּקוֹר הַקְּדוּשָּׁה שֶׁבְּעָבְרָהּ בִּמְקוֹם קְדוּשָּׁה רוֹצָה לָצֵאת. וְיָדוּעַ דִּמְקוֹר הַקְּדוּשָּׁה נִקְרָא אָנֹכִי, דְּהַיְינוּ אָנֹכִי ה' אֱלֹהֶיךָ (שמות כ, ב)
- Vayikra 11:15. Chazal apply it in the same spirit: “Not for nothing did the starling go to the raven, but because it is of its kind” (Bava Kamma 92b; Chullin 65a). ↩
- Bereishis Rabbah 63:6 (“houses of assembly and houses of study”); Rashi on Bereishis 25:22 (“the doorways of the Torah of Shem and Ever”). ↩
- Shemos 20:2. ↩
In shortRivkah's pain told her she was not one of the righteous women, yet Yaakov's struggle at the houses of study showed her a son from the source of holiness, called Anochi.
7bThis is the meaning of “The children struggled within her”: she had the pain of pregnancy, and so she thought she was not good. “And she said, ‘If so, why is this Anochi?’”4 Anochi here is the son who longs for holiness, a longing that proves he comes from the source of good. How, she asked, can he dwell within me, when I am not good, as my pain in pregnancy shows? Hashem, blessed be He, answered her, “Two nations are in your womb … and one nation shall be stronger than the other …”5 Hashem was telling her: It is not as you think, that you are not good; in truth you are good. Your birth pains come because two nations are in your womb, set one against the other. Understand this.
וְזֶהוּ הַפֵּירוּשׁ וַיִּתְרוֹצֲצוּ הַבָּנִים בְּקִרְבָּהּ, שֶׁהָיָה לָהּ צַעַר עִיבּוּר אִם כֵּן חָשְׁבָה שֶׁאֵינָהּ טוֹבָה. וַתֹּאמֶר אִם כֵּן לָמָּה זֶּה אָנֹכִי, פֵּירוּשׁ בֵּן אֶחָד שֶׁמִּתְאַוֶּה לִקְדוּשָּׁה וּמִזֶּה מוֹכִיחַ שֶׁהוּא מִמְּקוֹר הַטּוֹב וְאֵיךְ שׁוֹכֵן בְּקִרְבִּי שֶׁאֲנִי אֵינִי טוֹבָה מִדְּיֵשׁ לִי צַעַר עִיבּוּר. וְהֵשִׁיב לָהּ הַשֵּׁם יִתְבָּרֵךְ שְׁנֵי גוֹיִם בְּבִטְנֵךְ וְכוּ' וּלְאוֹם מִלְאוֹם יֶאֱמָץ כּוּ', לֹא כְּמוֹ שֶׁאַתָּה חוֹשֶׁבֶת שֶׁאֵינְךָ טוֹב בֶּאֱמֶת אַתָּה טוֹב הַצַּעַר לֵידָה שֶׁלְּךָ הוּא מֵחֲמַת שֶׁשְּׁנֵי גּוֹיִם בְּבִטְנֵךְ שֶׁהֵם זוֹ לְעוּמַּת זוֹ וְהָבֵן:
- The words lamah zeh anochi, plainly “why am I this way,” are read here as speaking of “this Anochi,” the holy son within her. ↩
- Bereishis 25:23. ↩
In short“Why is this Anochi?” asked how a holy son could dwell in her; Hashem told her the pain came from two opposing nations in her womb, not from any lack in her.
Takeaway
When we struggle, we may conclude, as Rivkah did, that we are not good. Hashem's answer to her, “In truth you are good,” can steady us too: pain can come from opposing forces struggling within a person, not from a lack of worth. And the part of us that longs for holiness and pulls toward the house of study comes from the source of good.
Learn this in the merit of Rebbe Levi Yitzchak of Berditchev. His yahrzeit and life ›
More on Parshas Toldos
See all ›Lehavas David · Rav Dovid Matisyohu RabinowitzYaakov from Esav: Bringing the Bad into HolinessGood and bad come to us mixed together, and in exile our work is not to make the bad vanish but to draw out the good within it, serving Hashem with the very desire and longing…Lehavas David · Rav Dovid Matisyohu RabinowitzAlways Going, Truly Humble: Yitzchak's GreatnessWe came down to this world not to receive a gift we have not earned, but to perfect ourselves, and for that we need two things together. Like Yehoshua setting out the benches for…Lehavas David · Rav Dovid Matisyohu RabinowitzGrowing Greater through Wealth: Yitzchak's AvodahThe Torah tells of the Avos' wealth to show that they kept walking upward in avodas Hashem even when prosperity made the yetzer hara strong against them. Yitzchak's mesirus nefesh…
English translation, notes and summaries © Zechusam.