Sarah's Laughter: Even a Passing Thought Counts

17“And he said, ‘I will surely return to you at this time …,’ and Sarah was listening at the entrance of the tent.” Then “Sarah laughed within herself, saying, ‘After I have withered …,’” and “Sarah denied it.” The questions on these verses are well known. How could anyone imagine that Sarah Imeinu would laugh, Heaven forbid, at the word of Hashem? And beyond that, how could anyone imagine that Sarah would deny it, against Hashem Himself?

18To understand it, we begin with a person's duty to look at himself always, in all his deeds and movements, without pause. When he keeps up this watch over himself, his eyes will see that, even if he is a complete tzaddik, a thought that is not good sometimes flies past and crosses his mind in a single moment, the way a bird flies past. The tzaddik pushes it away and distances it, and does not want it, Heaven forbid. Even so, it is not a good thing. Whoever wants to know that I speak the truth should take great care to watch all his movements constantly, and his eyes will see that my words are true. But one who does not keep watch and look at himself will know nothing of it, and will think that no such thought ever entered his mind.

19That is “and Sarah was listening”: she truly believed the words of Hashem's angel on his mission. “At the entrance of the tent”: she listened at the level that is the entrance of the upper tent. When a person listens to the voice of Hashem's words, he makes for himself an entrance to the upper tent, through which to enter Gan Eden. This was Sarah Imeinu's true righteousness: she believed. But a person is created in a physical body, and so some stirring of a thought that is not good is bound to pass over him, the passing thought we have described. It comes from the achorayim, the back side, within him, for those versed in the hidden wisdom know that some thoughts that are not good are drawn from the place of the back side.¹ That is what the verse says: “ve-hu acharav, and it was behind him.” Though she was truly righteous in her faith, she still had a slight thought from the back side: the thought “and my lord is old” passed and flew over her. She paid this thought no heed; she pushed it away and did not want it. Even so, it was not a good thing.

20aSo the verses read this way. “And Sarah laughed within herself” does not speak of laughter and mockery, Heaven forbid, but of joy. Rashi explains Avraham's laughter the same way, on “And he fell on his face and laughed”:² he rejoiced that such a miracle was done for him, that a son would be born to a man of a hundred. Here too, Sarah was rejoicing over the great miracle done for her: “after I have withered, delight has come to me,” and it was surely true that she would have a son. Only, “and my lord is old”: this thought passed through her mind. She pushed it away, as tzaddikim do, and held that it was no sin, since she did not want the thought.

20b“And Hashem said, ‘Why is it that Sarah laughed, saying, Shall I truly give birth?’” She truly believed that she would give birth, yet the thought that passed through her still counted as laughter and mockery. It had not occurred to her that this counts as a trace of transgression and sin, since she paid the thought no heed and pushed it away. Therefore “Sarah denied it, saying, ‘I did not laugh’”: she excused herself, saying that she had not laughed. “For she was afraid”: she saw that she had shrunk in fear from this thought, paid it no heed and pushed it away, and so she held that it was no sin and did not count as laughter and mockery, Heaven forbid. “And he said, ‘No, but you did laugh’”: it is not as you think, that this is no sin; this too counts as laughter. Even this is not good for a tzaddik, that a thought that is not good should fly past and cross his mind. The tzaddik must work until his thought is refined and purified, with a great and pure refinement, free of all dross.