First Kindle, Then Repair: Acting Like Hillel

1a“My soul thirsts for Hashem … to the mountains … like Hillel and not like Shammai, the joy of days and the years of eternity …” These lines of the Shabbos zemer¹ need explaining. Beis Shammai and Beis Hillel do not really disagree here (Beitzah 16a)². Hillel simply had a different way of his own, and no one disputes that Shammai's way is the better one. So what does the zemer mean by “like Hillel and not like Shammai”? Let us first explain the dispute between Beis Shammai and Beis Hillel over the Chanukah lights (Shabbos 21b), as the holy Rav of Neshchiz, zt"l, explains it in his sefer Toldos Yitzchak. Beis Shammai hold that on the first night one lights eight, and from then on one lights fewer each night. Beis Hillel hold that one adds a light each night. In terms of our avodah, this means that a person should first add in holiness and begin by doing good. Later, once he has grown used to the good, he should start repairing himself from the sins and wrongs he has committed.

1bThink of a man in battle whose enemy rises against him and wounds him in one of his limbs. He must not stand still among his enemies to bandage the wound, because meanwhile the enemy will overpower him and strike him a fatal blow. He must escape “like a bird from the fowler's snare” [Tehillim 124:7], paying no attention to his serious wounds, until he reaches a place where he is safe from his enemies, and only then bind them up. This is what Beis Shammai and Beis Hillel disagree about. In the Gemara's terms, the question is whether the placing of the Chanukah light is the mitzvah or the kindling is the mitzvah [Shabbos 22b–23a]. “Placing” means that a person must first humble himself and bring himself low. “Kindling” means that in the very darkness his sins have made, he should light up and set himself aflame in doing mitzvos. The halachah is that the kindling is the mitzvah: one should begin by doing mitzvos.

2aThis principle is explained in several places. The first is in Parshas Vayishlach. The Midrash [cf. Bereishis Rabbah 76:1–2] and the early commentators ask about Yaakov Avinu: Hashem had promised him, “Behold, I am with you” [Bereishis 28:15], yet later he was afraid [Bereishis 32:8]. After Hashem's promise, how could he be afraid at all? But there is an explicit verse: “Hashem is with you when you are with Him” (Divrei HaYamim II 15:2). That was the meaning of the promise “I am with you”: if My “I” is with you, that is, if you cleave to Me, then I will be with you to guard you. This was Yaakov Avinu's fear. When he saw that fear had come over him, the fear itself frightened him. That is the meaning of “Yaakov was very afraid, and he was distressed” [Bereishis 32:8]: he was afraid, and because of that very fear he was distressed.

2bAs the Chovos HaLevavos brings (Sha'ar Ahavas Hashem 6), someone who truly cleaves to Hashem fears nothing. A chassid was once sleeping in the desert, in a place of wild animals. An armed caravan passed by and asked him, “How are you not afraid for your life, lodging in the shadow of death?” He answered that it would be a disgrace for him to fear anything but Hashem. That was Yaakov Avinu's fear. Once he saw that he was afraid, he understood that he was not truly cleaving to Hashem, and for that situation Hashem had made him no promise.

2cSeeing this, he began to pray: “I am too small for all the kindnesses … Save me, please …” [Bereishis 32:11–12]. In his prayer he explained why he had to pray. He feared that sin might have cancelled the promise [cf. Berachos 4a], and he was soiled with sins. Even so, he had no other recourse but prayer. He could not wait until he had repaired his sins and transgressions with self-mortification, because if he did not pray, he feared “lest he come and strike me, mother and children alike” [Bereishis 32:12], as in the parable above. And “the deeds of the fathers are a sign for the children” [cf. Ramban on Bereishis 12:6]. So the Jewish people will do too when, Heaven forbid, they are soiled with sins and wrongdoing: they will pray and cry out to Hashem, and He will answer them. Their prayer should be like Yaakov Avinu's: “And You said” [Bereishis 32:13], that is, act for the sake of Your Name, because You promised us.

3aThe same lesson appears in Parshas Shoftim. The Kohen proclaims, “Hear, O Israel” [Devarim 20:3], and Rashi explains that even if they have no merit but reading the Shema morning and evening, that merit is enough to save them from their enemies. Afterward the officer proclaims, “Who is the man who is afraid [and fainthearted]? Let him go home” [Devarim 20:8], and Rashi explains: afraid of the sins in his hand. At first glance this is hard. Who is the man who does not read the Shema? And what is this fear? If a man has sinned and is not afraid, does he not go home? But by what we said above, it is easy to understand. When a man is afraid and starts to worry and to repair the traits he damaged through his sins³, the enemy will meanwhile rise up and strike him dead. The advice is not to make reckonings now about the past days “in which there is no delight” [cf. Koheles 12:1]. Rather, from this moment on, he should strengthen himself in serving Hashem, defeat the enemy standing before him, and heap “coals of fire on his head” [Mishlei 25:22] with the fiery enthusiasm of mitzvos. Later, once he has won and has rest from his sorrow [cf. Yeshayahu 14:3], he should work to repair his traits and whatever he has made crooked [cf. Koheles 1:15].

3bThere is also an explicit verse: “A man's trembling sets a snare, but one who trusts in Hashem will be raised up” (Mishlei 29:25). The Metzudas David explains: if a person trembles over the sins he has committed until now and does not do mitzvos and good deeds, he sets a snare for his own soul. But one who trusts in Hashem and does mitzvos and good deeds, without looking at what he did before, trusting that Hashem in His great mercy will draw him close and accept his teshuvah, will be raised up.

4aThis is also the meaning of the Midrash on our parshah (Bereishis Rabbah 84:19): “Never has a man sinned before Me and done teshuvah, until Reuven came.” The difficulty in this Midrash is well known (see below, sections 2 and 3). But the explanation is this: no one had ever sinned before Me and done teshuvah immediately, until Reuven came. Reuven did teshuvah at once. His teshuvah was accomplished through teshuvah alone⁴, and for the time being he did none of the repairs of teshuvah through self-mortification, waiting until the proper time would come. For he feared for his soul, lest “the waters come up to the soul” [Tehillim 69:2] and he drown in the depths, in the pits “the wicked have dug for him” [cf. Tehillim 119:85].

4bHis descendant Hoshea said the same: “Return, O Israel, to Hashem your God” (Hoshea 14:2). Rashi, citing the Pesikta, explains the verse's intent: return while He is still “Hashem,” the Name of mercy, before He becomes “your God (Elokecha),” the attribute of strict judgment. If you wait until every form and detail of teshuvah is complete, you will “stumble in your iniquity” [Hoshea 14:2], brought down by the destructive forces your sins and transgressions created, as in the parable above. This is also the meaning of “Yaakov settled in the land of his father's sojournings (megurei), in the land of Canaan” [Bereishis 37:1]. Once he had settled in tranquility and begun to serve Hashem step by step, he would merit to reach megurei, from the word yagorti, “I dreaded”: the awe and the Fear of his father Yitzchak [cf. Bereishis 31:42]. “In the land of Canaan” means with great humility (hachna'ah), which is called “the land of Canaan.”

4cThis is the meaning of the zemer. “To the mountains”: “I lift my eyes to the mountains” [Tehillim 121:1], and the mountains are the Avos (Rosh Hashanah 11a; Shemos Rabbah 28). From them I will see that in both cases the halachah follows Hillel, on Shabbos and on Chanukah. Hillel's constant saying was “Blessed is Hashem day by day” [Tehillim 68:20]. A person is obligated only to look at what is happening with him now, at this time and this moment in which he stands. He should not think at all about what will be, because meanwhile the oppressor who scorches his soul, the yetzer hara, will overtake him. So too on Chanukah, one keeps adding in holiness. “The joy of days” is Shabbos, the joy of the seven days of the week. “The years of eternity” is Chanukah, which comes year after year. In both, the halachah follows Beis Hillel. Through both of them a person will merit to have upon his head “a mitzvah is a lamp, and Torah is light” [Mishlei 6:23]. (From the handwritten manuscript of my father and teacher, R' Yechiel of Alexander, zt"l.)