Reuven's Teshuvah Over His Father's Pain

1Or one may explain it by Rashi on “And I, where shall I go?” [Bereishis 37:30]: “Where can I flee from my father's anguish?” This fits what we said above in the first discourse. Reuven saw¹ that because of his sin he had been compelled to occupy himself with sackcloth and fasting. That was why he had not been there, and because of this Yosef was gone, and he had caused his father great anguish. So he made a reckoning with his soul of how far the effects of his sin had reached. His heart ached over the anguish he had caused his father through his sin, more than over any punishment that might come to him. And when he saw how much he grieved over his father's anguish, he began to think: How much anguish have I caused Avinu Malkeinu, our Father and King! As Chazal say, what does the Shechinah say when a person suffers? “My head is heavy, My arm is heavy!” (Sanhedrin 46a). Through this he merited the highest teshuvah.

2This is the meaning of the Midrash: “Never has a person sinned before Me,” precisely “before Me.” No one had ever done teshuvah because the anguish he caused Me, as it were, loomed large in his eyes, until Reuven came. Hashem said to him, “You opened with teshuvah first (techilah)”: first over his father, who is the “first,” the origin, for his son, and afterward over Hashem, Who is the Beginning of every beginning and the essence of all. “By your life, your descendant will stand and open with teshuvah first. Who is that? Hoshea, as it says, ‘Return, O Israel, to Hashem your God’” [Hoshea 14:2]. That is, let it sink into the chambers of your heart what you have caused Above, and how far the matter reaches.

3“Say to Him: Forgive all iniquity” [Hoshea 14:3]. That is, “take words with you” [ibid.], and “words” means nothing but prayer, as the Midrash explains (Shemos Rabbah, Tetzaveh). Pray like this: Master of the world, it is true that I have sinned and deserve every punishment. But through my sin I have brought harm to the whole world. As Chazal say, “A person should always see himself as half meritorious and half guilty. If he does a mitzvah, he tips the scale to merit; if he sins, he tips it to guilt” (Kiddushin 40b)². If so, what has the whole community done wrong? In their merit, forgive my iniquity, so that I do not cause them anguish, and how much more so the anguish of the holy Shechinah. This is “Say to Him: Kol [all]”: in the merit of Hashem, Who is called Kol, “All,” because He includes everything and is the root of everything, and in the merit of klal Yisrael, who suffer because of me, “forgive iniquity.” When a person feels the anguish of the Jewish people, he will feel the anguish of the Shechinah too, and he will be forgiven in the merit of the community. And, as it were, in Hashem's own merit, as Tosafos explain on “Ani Vaho, please save” (Sukkah 45a): that He should save Himself. In this merit he will reach complete teshuvah, and his teshuvah will be accepted with mercy and favor. (From the author's handwritten manuscript.)